From Divorce, Happy Families Are Not All Alike

I read this article and was filled with hope. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/09/27/fashion/from-divorce-a-fractured-beauty.html

I wish that all of my divorce clients were able to get to this place with their former spouse, particularly when they have children together. This article filled me with hope because here is a real life example of a divorced couple successfully navigating together time as a family despite all of the challenges to doing so. I have some former clients who have been able to achieve this as well.

In my own life, my former partner of nine years and I are able to more successfully than not spend time with mutual friends in a way that is comfortable (mostly) and (hopefully) healthy.

But it’s extremely difficult. And I think, not very common. At least not right away.

The same day this I read this article, I communicated with several clients who are deep in the throes of emotional and difficult divorces. Because no matter how amicable the divorce, when you are experiencing it, it is horrendous. Anger, hurt, sadness, loss, fear of the unknown, fear of the known, abandonment, financial worries, all of these emotions flood the person going through the divorce and tend to over-ride reason and logic. When talking to people in the midst of a divorce, it’s hard to imagine that anyone can ever get to a place where they where can i buy proscar online uk willingly spend time with their former spouse. On vacation. On purpose! But it can happen.

Having guided many people through divorces, and having experienced a divorce-like break up of my own, I know that with time the emotions cool and it is possible to see the ex for the positive aspects s/he offered to you at one time. And when there are children involved, they are the direct beneficiaries of the healing and the work that makes such together time possible. But trying to convince a client in the middle of a divorce that this is a possible outcome is a fool’s errand.

If you are contemplating divorce, or going through a divorce, know that there is hope to eventually reach a place of emotional neutrality and equanimity about your former spouse. But also know that it will not happen nearly as soon as you hope or on a timeline you have any control over. As I tell clients, it’s a non linear process. Progress happens, and backsliding happens. But somewhere down the road, you may be able to take a vacation with the other parent of your children just like the author of this article. That is my hope for all divorcing couples. Particularly those with children together.


Rayna Brachmann, Esq.
Nevada Certified Family Law Specialist

Kimberly Surratt served for eight years on the executive council and has been the vice chair and then chair of the State Bar of Nevada Family Law Section. In addition, she is the President-Elect of the Nevada Justice Association and the chair of the domestic lobbying committee. She has lobbied with the Nevada Justice Association since 2004.

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