I thought I had considered everything, discussed everything with my husband and the intended parents, and had all the details of being a surrogate figured out!
I thought I had considered everything, discussed everything with my husband and the intended parents, and had all the details of being a surrogate figured out! I knew how I felt about what I was doing, knew that my husband was onboard with my decision, but I never considered how my pregnancy with another couple’s child could possibly mentally affect him.
Let me take this opportunity to emphasize my husband has been WONDERFUL throughout this entire process. He’s dealt with me being placed on pelvic rest, so he was responsible for getting our children fed, the laundry done, house cleaned, etc., he’s dealt with my indifference to food for the past 4 months (what can I say? Nothing sounds good!), he’s dealt with my hormonal outbursts, he’s dealt with it all and he’s never complained or vocalized resentment.
During my first trimester, I was nauseated for the majority of it, plus I discovered the hormones I was placed on at the beginning of this process made my cervix extra vascular, so when the doctor’s did vaginal ultrasounds it would cause bleeding. When I told my husband that we had been cleared for sex, his response was “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”, because we were told that a common side effect of having sex would be bleeding from all the hormones. Then I got placed on pelvic rest, and sex was back off the table.
In February, the restrictions were lifted, but to be honest, I don’t exactly feel “sexy” with the constant heartburn, fatigue, and burgeoning belly. It wasn’t until we went out to dinner buy brand proscar with friends while our children were visiting family during Spring Break and our friends joked with us about having sex that I realized we hadn’t been intimate since before the embryotic transfer! I wasn’t interested in initiating sex, but was concerned that my husband wanted sex and may be possibly waiting for me to initiate. Then he made an off the cuff joke about us having sex with another’s baby in me, which makes me wonder if the idea of sex to him right now is not appealing because I am carrying another couple’s child. Not something I had ever considered, and not something I am entirely sure I will broach with him, and if I do, how to best broach the subject. I don’t want to put him on the defensive by questioning his motives, because this could all be me making more of the issue than what’s really there.
Other than not being physical, our relationship is stronger than it’s been in a long time. I do not want him thinking that I want sex so he feels he has to “put out” to make me happy, especially if he’s uncomfortable with the idea of being intimate with me with someone else’s child growing inside me. My due date is approximately 3 months away now, so if he is feeling a little discomforted by the idea of sex, it will be temporary I’m sure.
Every month I try to remember something amazing about this process my husband and I decided to undertake together – this month it was the look on the intended mother’s face when she got to feel her daughter moving when we went to the ultrasound to rule out any heart issues with baby.