Making the decision to be a surrogate isn’t easy, and it encompasses more than just the person who will be carrying. It requires numerous detailed conversations not only with the intended parents, but your partner.
Making the decision to be a surrogate isn’t easy, and it encompasses more than just the person who will be carrying. It requires numerous detailed conversations not only with the intended parents, but your partner. It is not a process that should be taken lightly, or on a spur of the moment.
For me, volunteering to carry my friends’ baby was simply the right thing to do. Fortunately, my husband agrees and is supportive of this process and all it entails. Without his consent and support, I could not even consider going through this process.
He and I understand that, for an unspecified amount of time, my body is not wholly my own. Since he is my partner, he will have to also do specific things, such as blood tests, taking antibiotics “just in case”, and giving me hormone shots (I just can’t stick the needle in myself and cringe at the idea of it). He also had to sign off on the consent with the doctor, and the contract, once negotiated and finalized.
It’s a lot to take in. You have all the medical appointments, plus the negotiation and execution of the Gestational Carrier Agreement, on top of your normal everyday deadlines and responsibilities.
In my experience, I initially thought the process was dragging on and on. But, once medically cleared, things seemed to move at the speed of light. They set a transfer date and ordered all the different hormones/medications for me to take both before and after transfer. My initial transfer date did get pushed back one month, which upon reflection was a blessing! It allowed for additional time to negotiate the Carrier Agreement and have additional discussions with the intended parents. Even though we were on the same page on everything, the initial draft of the contract contained terms I hadn’t considered and required discussions with the intended parents as to if they were hard-fast on those provisions (like not coloring my hair for the first trimester). Luckily, I have great communication with my friends and intended parents, and we could reach a compromise on all the provisions I questioned.
Some of the things you should keep in mind if considering becoming a surrogate:
- The level of trust you have in the intended parents. They make all medical decisions for the baby you are carrying. Have you had the hard conversations? The ones to determine if they will put the welfare of their unborn child above yours? Or, in that scenario, do they agree that your health and well-being should be placed above their child’s, and agree that if you are in distress and the pregnancy must be terminated, they will terminate the pregnancy? Not something any prospective parent wants to consider, especially ones who have to rely on a surrogate to carry a child for them.
- The level of trust the intended parents have in you. Don’t ever forget that you are carrying their child – the one thing they want most in this world. You have been given a very special gift for safe order proscar online uk keeping. Do not abuse their trust by endangering their child. The Gestational Carrier Agreement is very specific as to the things a carrier can and cannot do. Make sure you can live with the terms set forth in the agreement. You will know on which items you have wiggle room to negotiate. The contract is designed to keep the baby as healthy as possible, and while you may have had an occasional cup of coffee while pregnant with your own babies, you may not have that luxury while carrying someone else’s.
- The amount of medications you will have to take. The calendar the doctor’s office provides you with is overwhelming at first glance. You have to take prenatal vitamins and baby aspirin daily. A specific amount of days before the transfer, you and your spouse are placed on a twice daily antibiotic for 10 days. You start twice weekly hormone shots approximately 3 weeks before the transfer date, and then will add in once daily progesterone shots to that beginning the week of transfer. No, that is not all the medications you will be on, but it gives you a good idea.
- Are you prepared for the transfer to not take? How many cycles are you prepared to try? How many embryos do the intended parents want to try to implant at transfer? For me, my first transfer will be only one embryo. If that doesn’t take, they will transfer two embryos. Two embryos means guaranteed twins, and possibly triplets.
- Are you mentally ready to carry a child to term, and then hand that child to someone else to raise? You will have to always remember the baby is not yours. You have no legal right to it, and never will.
- Do you have a good support group? If your partner is simply tolerating you carrying for a third person, how are they going to react when you are too tired to do some of your normal chores? Will they step up to pick up the slack for you, or will you be expected to handle everything as you always do, as they didn’t choose for you to become pregnant.
- HORMONES. Need I say more?
- The transfer date and following three days. To increase the chance of the embryo taking at the time of transfer, you have three “princess” days following the transfer. Days where you are to lounge around as much as possible. Can you take three days off from all your responsibilities (not only professional but personal)?
My transfer date is scheduled for next month. I am hopeful that the embryo will take, but realistic in the success rate for transfer is at about 60-65%. While being on bedrest will be fun for the afternoon, I am sure by day three I will be going stir crazy especially since I like to take care of things myself, but will stay in bed to increase my chances of a successful transfer.